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World’s First Pooping Robot

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One Small Plop for Robot, One Giant Poo-Baby for all Robotkind

Science took a giant crap forward recently with the announcement of a mechanical device that ingests biomass and water (aka food and drink) and converts it to energy for use in various personal robot needs.

Once Robots were thought to be clean and efficient — if coldly impersonal — machines created in the image of humans.  Now we have seen the future of Robotics and it is clear that we are in for a “Brave Poo World” in which humans and machines compete to see who can be more smelly and disgusting.

As if public defecation in India, or lack of toilet paper in NYC subway public restrooms isn’t enough, now we will have to wait for our robotic scabs to have their coffee and “morning productivity” before we can expect them to weld that car door or perform that laser surgery.

It doesn’t take much of a stretch to see where this leads: Sort of Soylent Green meets Terminator situation. Basically it means the Matrix will no longer require us as batteries, which was already a stretch — now they can just eat us for food.  Well that’s two birds with one stone I suppose.  Gotta love robotic efficiency!

That’s Just Great.  But Will it Win the Ig-Nobel Prize?

Luckily, we won’t have to wait for the inevitable rise of pooping robots to read about about one thousand other insane inventions that humans are dreaming up every single day.

This is why there is such a thing as the “Ig Nobel” prize.  See what they did there

Here are a few choice items from the list:

Don’t Go to Siam(?) if You Prefer Your Penis is Attached:

PUBLIC HEALTH PRIZE: Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn Pongnumkul, Anunt Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn, Krit Komaratal, and Henry Wilde, for the medical techniques described in their report “Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam” — techniques which they recommend, except in cases where the amputated penis had been partially eaten by a duck. [THAILAND]

REFERENCE: “Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam,” by Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn Pongnumkul, Anunt Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn, Krit Komaratal, and Henry Wilde, American Journal of Surgery, 1983, no. 146, pp. 376-382.

ATTENDING THE CEREMONY: Nobel laureate Eric Maskin read aloud the acceptance speech sent by the winners.

Modern Medicine and Nosebleeds:Jam some Bacon up in There!

MEDICINE PRIZE [USA, INDIA]: Ian HumphreysSonal Saraiya, Walter Belenky and James Dworkin, for treating “uncontrollable” nosebleeds, using the method of nasal-packing-with-strips-of-cured-pork.

REFERENCE: “Nasal Packing With Strips of Cured Pork as Treatment for Uncontrollable Epistaxis in a Patient with Glanzmann Thrombasthenia,” Ian Humphreys, Sonal Saraiya, Walter Belenky and James Dworkin, Annals of Otology, Rhinology and Laryngology, vol. 120, no. 11, November 2011, pp. 732-36.

WHO ATTENDED THE CEREMONY: Sonal Saraiya

How About We Skip the Parachute?

SAFETY ENGINEERING PRIZE: The late Gustano Pizzo [USA], for inventing an electro-mechanical system to trap airplane hijackers — the system drops a hijacker through trap doors, seals him into a package, then drops the encapsulated hijacker through the airplane’s specially-installed bomb bay doors, whence he parachutes to earth, where police, having been alerted by radio, await his arrival. US Patent #3811643, Gustano A. Pizzo, “anti hijacking system for aircraft”, May 21, 1972.

About Chukles Johnny

Johnny Chukles is the guy behind the Chukles App -- aka John McMahon. Johnny likes to make software and also write about all the weird stuff he finds out from reading too much internet.

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