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It’s Official: Night People are Psychos

But the Worst Psychos are Morning People

The Benefits of Being a “Morning Person”

Not only is getting started early the official way to get ahead but it also includes distinct innate pleasures such as watching the orange fire of sunrise pierce the night sky, long before the City collectively slumps towards its workday.

Getting up early means laying there in the stillness listening to the sounds of the City arising from its slumber, hearing the gentle clinking of the raccoons attacking your recycling bin all the while knowing you still have plenty of time for harassing some tech workers waiting for white buses.

And an early start also means getting productive around the house, for example you can more easily finish the half and half before your spouse drinks it all, and it means getting nutrition and keeping informed by watching more than an hour of Good Morning America and Right This Minute while sipping Cap’n Crunch milk in your pajamas.

So you can see that while getting a head start on a fresh day of self-absorption and narcissism may seem natural to some, apparently it is under the shadow of the night that people with — let’s face it — really screwed up personality traits can super-thrive.

At least according to the multinational research team behind “Creatures of the Night: Chronotypes and the Dark Triad Traits.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise = Healthy, Wealthy, Wise, and Not Psycho (maybe)

Well Science can really be a downer.

I came across this devastating revelation at 2am while trying to knock myself out by eating a package of sliced turkey (L-Tryptophan) and washing it down with warm milk and Ambien.

So maybe I shouldn’t have started binge watching “24” at 12:10am but c’mon, what is just one episode when it is only 20 minutes long without commercials, right?!

Jack Bauer from the Series 24 -- Likely Smirking Before Torturing a Suspect -- a Night Owl?

Jack Bauer from the Series 24 — Likely Smirking Before Torturing a Suspect — a Night Owl?

Well it’s 2 hours later and now I feel like I’m sharing a pituitary gland with Jack Bauer.

Even night owls may find that on the occasions where they have been forced to drag ass out of bed and adopt an early-riser schedule, it can be easy enough to slip into ‘morningness’ — which is just a fancy way of saying they have a preference for an “advanced sleep period”.

Enter the Dark Triad

Much like nailing bags of kettle chips, The Dark Triad — i.e., narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism — is extra-prevalent in night-owls.

According to the team behind CotNCatDTT the Dark Triad personality trait will more typically thrive as a night owl because:

“Such a disposition will take advantage of the low light, the limited monitoring, and the lessened cognitive processing of morning-type people.”

That sounds good up until the part about chronotype which is what again?

So, a person’s chronotype is the propensity for the individual to sleep at a particular time during a 24-hour period.

For those that still don’t know what I’m talking about:

Night owl = ‘eveningness’ = delayed sleep period
Morning person = ‘morningness’ = advanced sleep period

These are the two extremes.

Some Psychopaths Stay Up Late

Mostly secondary ones.

But this means that Primary Psychos Wake up Early!!

I’m not exactly sure if it’s a finding, but doesn’t that just logically follow? I’m going to point it out because holy shit now I’m too scared to sleep anyway.

IgNoble Prize Winning Research 2014

So this research won the IgNoble Prize for 2014, which is seriously a great award given out to “stranger than fiction” stuff that nobody could make up if they tried.

http://www.improbable.com/ig/

Highlights of the Research

• The Dark Triad was linked to a night-time chronotype.
• Secondary but not primary psychopathy was linked to a night-time chronotype.
• Machiavellianism was linked to a night-time chronotype.
• Exploitive narcissism was linked to a night-time chronotype.
• Men scored higher on the Dark Triad traits, but no sex differences in chronotype.

PSYCHOLOGY PRIZE [UK, FINLAND, AUSTRALIA, USA]: Peter K. Jonason, Amy Jones, and Minna Lyons, for amassing evidence that people who habitually stay up late are, on average, more self-admiring, more manipulative, and more psychopathic than people who habitually arise early in the morning.

REFERENCE: “Creatures of the Night: Chronotypes and the Dark Triad Traits,” Peter K. Jonason, Amy Jones, and Minna Lyons, Personality and Individual Differences, vol. 55, no. 5, 2013, pp. 538-541.

WHO ATTENDED THE CEREMONY: Peter Jonason

About Chukles Johnny

Johnny Chukles is the guy behind the Chukles App -- aka John McMahon. Johnny likes to make software and also write about all the weird stuff he finds out from reading too much internet.

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