Latest Release of Groundbreaking Humor App Poised to Banish Last Vestige of Sadness from Human Existence
Animals on the other hand are still fucked
In anticipation of the latest “gold star” release of the Chukles Social Humor App for iOS, the humor-sphere is abuzz with pre-announce speculation on the nature of the sleek new beast straining against its chains for release… assuming that by “chains” you mean various Appstore Submittal & Review processes.
Rumors have ranged from the esoteric — some would say “conspiracy theorist” — ideas, like whether the release will contain a 3 or a 5 pixel border radius, to such abominable and perverse concepts as whether to include a CheeseBurger Button.
Overly Ambitious Rumors Strike Chukles Development Team with Panicky Nervous Laughter
Sadly all of them are lies
High-brow ideas such as “Humor Analytics” and “Augmented Reality for Humor” took a back seat at times to the debate over whether @TheRealGrumpyCat will finally unveil his identity as the nine-lives-wasting Blofeldian mastermind behind the new Chukles Social Humor App for iOS splash screen.
The raves and a few rants from the tech industry are building up in the weeks and days before the mysterious release date. Some have called Chukles “One of the most entertaining build output logs ever…” Others note the “Spectacularly consistent use of icons for buttons” and others point out “some fancy animated color shit happening behind that login screen…”
Regardless of the pre-release hype, the actual product will likely dazzle more than razzle as the tidal wave of humor that is about to be unleashed on this weary world will more than make up for the fact that some of the more fanciful “wish-list”, “bucket-list”, and “death-wish” features like uploading blood samples to Chukles through a square, white iPhone attachment, or a feature that pre-steals your contact data before you even meet people — will have to wait for the next major release.
Speaking of dystopian outcomes, the next Chukles Social Humor for iOS release, code-named “Blind Wingman” will be followed by the hyper-futuristic post-mobile memory-impregnated subscription-based app injection code-named: “Hamster Apocalypse”.
"My co-workers were terrified by my lack of hygiene and hysterical peals of laughter to the point of it being an HR incident. If that's what you're after, then sure. Have at it! In hindsight, those sweet darlings really just needed to be using Chukles Social Humor App for iOS like me."− Frightening SOMA Tech Worker
"Some fancy animated color shit happening behind that login screen..."− Tech Industry Observer
"If I DO look at it, you'll have to sign an NDA. But I like the concept! SO, let me tell you about my startup HimPlants, 3D-printed custom penile enhancements with an oddly popular free robotic fitting process... There's a line around the block but no sales whatsoever... Anyway, it's basically Kinkos for MILFdos ...yeah still working on the tagline."− Typical Annoying Startup Hannibal Lechter
"Powerful. Intuitive. Charismatic. Vigorous. Inflatable. These are words that I would use to describe myself during my clinically diagnosed compulsive use of Chukles Social Humor App for iOS."− Guy in Psychiatry Waiting Room
Anyway, if you feel you have read this far in error, please disregard this post. Otherwise, download the Chukles Social Humor App “Tantric Sweatpants” edition in an AppStore near you!